LIFE BEFORE THE INTERNET

by Damien

I remember it well, being (literally) carried into my first gay club by my best friends – Nicole and Phillip – in June of 1990. I was screaming. I did NOT want to go in. I was terrified that “being gay” was everything that I had been told was horrible.

Then I was in the club.

Everyone looked normal. Even the drag queens. And people were welcoming. They were engaging. They were friendly. There weren’t creepy. They weren’t trying to rape each other. They were just…. being. And that first night opened a door to a community that had my back. Always.

Now – I am not so sure. 

The internet is a phenomenal tool of knowledge and information. But it is also, sadly, a despicable cesspool of misinformation and hate. As a Jew I have experienced the hate first hand – both professionally and personally. I was reading a Facebook post by a friend recently that had the title “Gays were nice before the internet.” And I had to agree. I do not know how I would cope coming out now. There is a ferocity to the online gay community that I have not known before. When we had no choice but to gather together in person, we accepted the notion that we were all we had at that time. And so, we just made the most of it. Were there bitchy queens? Absolutely. But I knew that even They would be there if I truly needed them. If my safety was at risk, they would step up – in 6-inch heels.

But I see the discourse online. The hateful comments (mostly younger) gays send to each other now.

“You’re old and fat, no one wants you.”

“You’re a fossil. Go back to the park.”

“Don’t be creepy. You’re horrid and foul.”

“Why didn’t you die? How did AIDS miss you?”

These aren’t comments I have faced. But these ARE comments others I know have faced. On Facebook. NOT in dating apps. But in the usual course of online conversations. This is dreadful. We – the whole of our community – should be better than this. There were people when I came out that weren’t entirely kosher, and I knew that. Some had agendas – trying to get in the pretty blonde ballet dancers’ pants. But I knew that. And I was able to manage that. But to have people these days – and by people - I mean the under 40 set – tell you that they wished AIDS had got you? I have no response.

With so many people out there genuinely wishing us dead, how do the younger generations justify what they say? And this is not a “get off my lawn” post. This is a “how are you able to justify this hate against your own” post. I have no answers. I have no explanation or hypothesis. I just am unable to reconcile the hate WITHIN the male gay community. Or, maybe I should say, gay male non-community. Because it seems our common unity is no longer something that we treasure or feel comfort from.

I don’t know what to say. I do not have answers. And I am increasingly horrified by how we treat each other.

Damien.