Friday, October 04, 2024

THE GALLOPING GOURMET SAVED MY LIFE

Weeeeelllll, not exactly but......

He certainly helped me during a hugely difficult period AND he got me addicted to cooking shows and cooking.



Back in 1971/72, when I was in 6th grade, I got very badly burned and was out of school for more than six weeks.

Here's the scenario:  Its early morning on a school day at 32 Randall Road, Princeton, New Jersey, and the family (momz, dad,and moi -- my brothers were yet to be born) were settling in for breakfast.

I had a bit of a routine every morning where, as I sat down, I moved the cord for the 12 cup Corningware coffee percolator sitting on the kitchen table.  The pot was right on the corner of the side where I sat at the table and the cord usually hung off the table onto my chair and in my way.  So as I would sit down I'd take the cord and move it around the corner of the table to the side where the wall was.

But this particular morning it didn't go to plan and the cord got hung up and literally in slow motion I watched as the just brewed scalding pot of coffee tipped over toward my lap and......

I caught it with my hand with the pot on its side and the insanely hot pot burning my hand but......

I knew in my mind at the time it was happening that I was going to be able to take the horrible burn and slowly lift the pot back upright and onto the kitchen table but......

As I did so, also still in slow motion, I saw the top of the pot slowly drop open and the entire contents of scalding hot coffee and coffee grounds spill out and onto my lap and legs.

In a flash I was up, dropping the pot on the floor and yanking down my pajama bottoms.  And as I did so my parents (and I) watched in horror as in just a split second the top layers of skin and then the underlying skin peeled off of me in great sheets from my waist to my knees.

My stepfather snatched me up in his arms and ran me to his car and we were off to the ER stat!

Anyways.....the recovery was long and arduous and included a bad infection and lots of agonizing debriding of the scar tissue.  The doctors said I'd never be able to go into the sun again due to the deep scarring, which I would have to live with for life.  But my momz, an avid reader of prevention magazine, said bullshit to that nonsense and fed me mega doses of Vitamin E and would pour liquid vitamin E directly onto my burn site once the burns began to heal.

So I was out of school for 6 weeks and my mom was home and pregnant with my younger brother Ken and the only thing I could do was to be in pain (and later itch like crazy as the burns healed) and watch Tee Vee.  And one of the things mom and I got addicted to of all the daytime Tee Vee, was The Galloping Gourmet with Graham Kerr.

If you're familiar with the show -- you know why we got addicted.  If not....I feel sorry for you.

Anyways......of the entire time I spent recovering from those burns during the six weeks I was out of school, the only thing other than the pain (and the itching) that I really remember was The Galloping Gourmet.

Oh!  And because of that vitamin E treatment my momz gave me I never once developed any scar tissue and go out in the sun in shorts all the time in spite of the massive blistering and deep tissue damage that extended all the way through the dermis to the fat and muscle.

And for those who are wondering (because I know you pervs are wondering) the coffee burned the shit out of my dick and balls.  But in spite of the pain that that caused I am eternally thankful for it because, within weeks after the accident my dick underwent a massive growth spurt.  So thank you for that Messrs. Corning and Folgers.

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